I feel as though I’ve recognized something I need to let go of (the past), opened myself to prepare for new experiences (the future) and try to be as mindful, present and grounded as often as I can. However, the present can, at times, be numbingly mundane. It can feel as though, after working so hard on letting go, I think to myself, “this is it? This lackluster moment is what I’ve worked so hard at being present for?” To be honest, I feel a bit cheated.
Or it’s “the quiet before the storm” sensation. It feels like I’ve just let go of a rock I was hanging onto for dear life in the middle of rapids and am trying desperately to figure out if I’ll either drown or float very shortly. It’s a crazy mixture of boring and dull verses terrifying and unpredictable. I suppose also that I need to let go of my expectation that a verdict will actually be delivered…maybe that’s up to me (gulp)?
What I’m aiming at here is just to be openly authentic, admit I’m a work in progress and create a dialogue with you fellow readers.